Friday, September 7, 2007

Columbia Inn, 29 Route 202, Montville, NJ 07045



We disagree!

For the first time, no consensus can be reached on a restuarant. So here it goes.

GUY IS AGGRAVATED

We read an online review that described this place as having the best thin crust ever.

Girl usually doesn't crave pizza, but "cracker-thin crust pizza" sounded way too appealing to pass up. As mentioned in a previous post, she loveth the Domino's thin crust, so it sounded like a sure thing.

So off we went to the Columbia Inn.

Here's the only nice thing that Guy has to say about it:

Our server Megan was really positive and helpful, and liked Guy's iPhone.

Here cometh the rant.

The first thing Guy noticed was his khaki shorts, sandals, and blue button-down shirt seemed rather under-dressed compared to the slacks-and-buttondown men already dining with their wives, mistresses, high-priced escorts or families.

"Table for 2, please?" Guy sheepishly asked the hostess.

"To dine in?" asked the hostess, with an ever-so-slight better-than-thou air.

Guy and Girl were seated ... Girl's back to the wall, facing out to the rest of the restaurant. Typical. She asked if it was alright, and Guy politely replied it was fine for her to sit there.

Guy, on the other hand, sat with his back facing the entire restaurant, and directly behind him was apparently the Royal Family of Boonton/Mountain Lakes/Montville (perfect people with extra-perfect hair), for everyone entering the restaurant spoke to them with tremendous deference.

The place was packed with too-sexy-for-you clientele, all except for the wooly-haired older guy next to us, with the perfect older wife. We couldn't tell whether his hair was real, and spent some time debating this as they sat literally a foot away from us.

For the place was CRAMPED. The tables were far too close together.

And these were some really LOUD white people (no people with skin pigment anywhere). Several times, Guy had to ask Girl to repeat what she just said, sometimes more than once. There was a Perfect Wife somewhere in the restaurant who kept laughing with a totally obnoxious cackle.

"OK, is that laugh really necessary?" Guy asked Girl. The Stepford Wife next to Guy overheard this, and made an annoyed sniffing sound. Guy wanted to rip out her perfect jugular vein with his teeth at that point.

Guy found the pasta fagioli obnoxiously garlicy. The super thin crust vegetarian pizza he shared with Girl was like eating old eggplant on toilet paper.

By the end of the evening, the decibel level in Columbia Inn was pushing Guy into a murderous rage. Then Girl said, "While you handle the check, I need to use the restroom. Be right back."

She returned about six months later. At least, it seemed so to Guy.

Guy paid the bill. For a pizza, salad for her, soup for him, and three diet cokes and two glasses of Pinot Grigio, plus a 20% tip for Very Nice Megan, the bill was $51.30. Not bad for a Friday night meal, if the meal was enjoyable. To Guy, it was not.

Disclaimer: Guy drank no alcohol, and he kept being brushed up against by people passing by him.

Guy's Rating: :) (1 Smiley out of 5)

Pros: Our server, Megan, was nice.
Cons: Guy despised the clientele. The food was unenjoyable. The place was far too noisy and cramped.




GIRL IS PLEASED

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